21
Feb 2005
Flu
and Grief
"Faith
is the strength by which a shattered world shall emerge
into the light."
- Helen Keller
Holy cow what a week. Just when I thought my head
cold/infection was starting to clear up, I got hit
by a freight train called the stomach flu. Not just
any "run of the mill" stomach flu but a
kick-your-butt-haven't-hurt-this-bad-since-appendicitis-15
years-ago-and-now-eating-white-bread-and-Sprite-for-three-days
kind of stomach flu. It hit hard and fast Tues night
and really put me out of commission for two days and
then I slowly made my way out of the gunk. The next
few days were spent at home in sweats feeling very
tired and weak. Finally on Sat I started to feel human
and by Sun after doing my hair/make-up and wearing
jeans instead of sweats I started to look more human.
Mercifully, Garrett didn't get it. My mom happened
to be here on Tues since I was gone doing a couple
of misc appts so it worked out well for her just to
stay over and help on Weds too.
Being an LCSW, I know all the lectures/discussions
I've given and now need to give myself and have been
the past three weeks. Grief takes a huge toll on the
physical body as all the mental and emotional work
are being processed. I think I'm just so tired and
run down my body has little immune resistance and
I'm getting anything and everything. It feels like
if somebody in Nebraska even thinks of having a cold
I haven't had recently, my body gets it. I know I
need to rest and let my body build back up. Just easier
said than done.
Speaking of grief, I was given a magnificent book
by C.S. Lewis entitled "A Grief Observed"
and have been just eating it up. It's really amazing.
The following two quotes are from it:
"Grief is like a long valley, a winding valley
where any bend may reveal a totally new landscape."
- C.S. Lewis
"To say the patient is getting over it after
an operation for appendicitis is one thing: after
he's had his leg off it is quite another. After the
operation either the wounded stump heals or the man
dies. If it heals, the fierce, continuous pain will
stop. Presently he'll get back his strength and be
able to stump about on his wooden leg. He has 'got
over it.' But he will probably have recurrent pains
in the stump all his life, and perhaps pretty bad
ones; and he will always be a one-legged man. There
will be hardly any moment when he forgets it. Bathing,
dressing, sitting down and getting up again, even
lying in bed, will all be different. His whole way
of life will be changed. All sorts of pleasures and
activities that he once took for granted will have
to be simply written off. Duties too. At present I
am learning to get about on crutches. Perhaps I shall
presently be given a wooden leg. But I shall never
be a biped again." - C.S. Lewis
C. S. Lewis is just so much more eloquent than I.
I really love the ideas and the language he uses in
this book and have really enjoyed reading it at nights.
The grief is real but I think after dealing with the
rollar coaster of cancer for two years, I haven't
really experienced shock, denial or numbness. Even
Sadie grieves. She'll walk around the bedroom at night
and wimper. Last week, she heard a noise outside when
Garrett and I were eating dinner and she thought it
was the garage door going up and Jade coming home.
She went nuts. She was dancing around and whining
and just going crazy and kept looking at me trying
to figure out why I wasn't opening the door to the
garage to let her go into the garage to see him and
say HI as he drove in (as she always would.) Took
everything I had to not sob at dinner watching our
dog be sad at Jade being gone and not having that
be him coming "home."
I'm looking forward to a week of finally being able
to catch up on some odds and ends and not catch anything
new. Hopefully leprosy isn't going around or heavens
knows I'd get it. We are grateful for your continued
friendship, love and kindness. Hopefully this week
I'll get around to answering some emails!
"Kindness is the language which the deaf can
hear and the blind can see."
- Mark Twain
Know we love you and are grateful for all you've done.
Hang in there. My mom showed me my tulips are starting
to come up. Spring is on its way. I love all the spring
flowers and can't wait to get outside again in the
sunshine and be in the grass. Till then take care
and we'll keep you updated!
Love ya...................................Tanya and
co.
