Thu, 15 Jul 2004

The Weaver

Hey there. Why am I getting later and later in doing these updates!? I hate having my life be so insanely chaotic that I can't find ten to fifteen minutes to sit down and write what's going on. Oh well....

Jade is at chemo......actually on his way home. Tmrw will be the last day of this two week regimen. He gets next week off and then in theory will start again on the 26th of July (Monday). He has a CT scan on Thurs the 22nd next week and we meet with our oncologist on Monday the 26th to discuss results and go over game plans. This may be our last appt with her before she leaves. We are at a crossroads and will be making decisions after we talk with her about what to do now (with what oncologist to see, treatment plans, trouble shooting for down the road, etc.) We are also talking with a surgeon on the 30th to discuss surgery pro/con's and time tables with surgery. We have quite the "decision trees" in our heads of "If this, then that.......or if that, then this." Definitely feels like we're at a crossroads. Still fighting the insurance company and dealing with the appeals, etc. Boy, that's a fun summer pasttime.

The past two weeks were extremely difficult but the past few days have gotten better. All except for sleeping. Jade and I are quite tired and just can't seem to get to bed before 11:30 at night. Sleep deprivation is never a good thing, physically, mentally or emotionally. I keep lying to myself saying, "Maybe tmrw we'll get to bed earlier." He has had some nausea still but is trying to manage it and still eat and stay hydrated.

It was nice to see family members at both of our extended family reunions the past couple weeks. Jade's family gave him some family history folders and he has been reading those at night and loving learning more about his grandma's and grandpa's. My family gave us a quilt last Sat at my reunion. A couple of my cousins put together an "Americana" quilt with patchwork hearts and stars and had our extended family members sign the back that day. On some of the squares were the words, "Love, Laughter, Courage, Family, Honor, Prayer, Faith, Peace and Hope." Just cried when I saw it. I told them some of those words were mentioned daily in my prayers.

Over the past eighteen months, Jade and I have received a few quilts and blankets from family members and close friends. I think I have finally figured out why they mean so much to me. (First of all, I totally and utterly cannot quilt and I LOVE having something that amazing in my home despite me not being capable of doing it.) I do recognize that each different stitch and patchwork square represents the various, combined efforts in our lives from friends, family members, co-workers, neighbors and strangers who helped so much in our behalf the past year and a half. As I look at them or wrap up in them, they also feel a hug giving love and comfort during tough moments. And finally, I think it reminds me that while it doesn't make sense to me, God has a purpose and plan for me and our family. I have always loved the poem "The Weaver"

My life is but a weaving, between my Lord and me;
I may not choose the colors, He knows what they should be.
For He can view the pattern, upon the upper side,
While I can see it only, on this the under side.

Sometimes He weaveth sorrow, which seemeth strange to me;
But I will trust His judgment, and work on faithfully.
'Tis He who fills the shuttle, He knows just what is best;
So I shall weave in earnest, and leave with Him the rest.
Not 'till the loom is silent, and the shuttles cease to fly;
Shall God unroll the canvas and explain the reason why,
The dark threads are as needful, in the weaver's skillful hand,
As the threads of gold and silver, in the pattern He has planned.

At last, when life has ended, with Him I shall abide;
Then I may view the pattern upon the upper side.
Then I shall know the reason, why pain with joy entwined,
Was woven in the fabric, of the life that God designed."
- Author Unknown


I guess these blankets and quilts we have been given are treasured heirlooms for a variety of reasons. They are a labor of love to make, they represent comfort and support from friends and family, and remind me of God's hand in the past eighteen months and the months and years to come. Sigh. We are so grateful for the kindness and compassion we receive. Thank you.

I've attached a picture of Jade with Garrett and his nephew/cousin in the swimming pool in our backyard. This was the week before chemo started and Garrett was delighted to have Jade come in the pool and splash with him. Actually, a few moments later Jade just sat down in the pool and played with them. A great memory.

Take care and we'll let you know how things go. Jade just walked in from chemo and is doing ok. Not great but ok - - he figures it can always get worse.

Have a fun summer wknd and eat some ice cream!!!

Love ya'...............................Tanya and co.