October 12, 2004

Waiting for results

Hey there. It's Monday night and the end of a really long couple days here.

Jade had chemo last week and wasn't sleeping good so it just seemed to take extra effort for him to do anything. He did doze during chemo but we were both extremely grateful to get Friday here. Sat started off ok but them by the afternoon it turned bad. That morning Jade would have a good hour and then a couple rocky hours and back and forth. But from 3 pm on Sat till about 9 am Mon he was just sick, sick, sick. His stomach was having extreme cramps and a lot of pressure and pain and then the joy of diarrhea on top of it. By Sun night/Mon morning he was so body sore from the tense muscles and exhausted from not being able to eat or drink anything with the stomach cramps.

It finally relented on Monday by 9 am just in time to start drinking the barium for the CT scan at 11 am. He was in no shape to drive himself to Huntsman Cancer institute so my kind friend watched Garrett at a half hour's notice and I took Jade in myself. He has slowly gotten better today (although it's always a treat to get the barium out of your system) but after having some toast tonite has had a few, transient, mild cramps.

Needless to say, we're anxious to see what the CT scan results are. Hopefully we'll know by Thurs this week. The mind games that cancer plays on you are extraordinary. Not that it's really fun any time, but some days cancer seems to suck more than others.

Ironically enough, my neighbor gave me a card the other day I've had sitting on my dresser the past week. It says,

"peace. it does not mean to be in a place where there is no noise, trouble or hard work. it means to be in the midst of those things and still be calm in your heart." - unknown

I've looked at that a lot the last few days. Not always successful but trying to remained focused. Some days it's full time work not to let your imagination run wild. Some moments I actually felt like a real live suburb-kind-of-Mom this past week. Garrett and I went to the library (he loves doing that), had my friend and her two year old over to play outside one morning while Jade was gone to chemo, saw an old college friend and actually did some scrapbooking while Garrett took a nap one day. Just when I thought I was getting a chance to have a "normal" week of life, the last three days hit and seemed to bring in chaos and uncertainty. That's the illlusive balance I keep speaking of. But I think all of you know about striving to find balance in day to day life.

Well, enough rambling. Bottom line is, we're alive and ok but nothing too spectacular to brag about. I'll get an email off this week as soon as we know CT scan results. Thanks for your friendship, kindness and faith. We are so appreciative. Take care and have fun buying Halloween treats!

Love and a hug.......................Tanya