Sun,
19 Sep 2004
Blah
Hey
there. It's Tanya and it's Sun night. It has been
a pretty rough couple weeks but I'm sure that's obvious
since an email update hasn't been done in a while.
Some weeks Jade does ok with chemo but this past couple
weeks was rather rough. I noticed it started to wear
on me as well so keeping up with life day to day was
enough and an email just didn't happen. I'm sure you've
all had those kinds of weeks though.
Both weeks of chemo this time were not much fun for
Jade. He really struggled trying to get on top of
the digestion issues and didn't really do all that
great either week with it. Sleep was fairly elusive
both weeks too which didn't help a lot. (Nothing gets
better with sleep deprivation.) Jade doesn't nap much
and he took two naps last week and two again this
second week of chemo. We've been trying to see what
was different this round of chemo compared with the
previous round.....don't know why it seemed rougher.
No CT scan this week. That'll happen after this next
round of chemo. Jade gets this week off (we're hoping
to get outta Dodge again this week and go North and
see some leaves, etc.) and then starts up again on
Mon the 27th of Sept. His next CT scan should be Mon
Oct 11th although he has yet to get it scheduled with
them.
Last wknd Jade did go camping, and Garrett joined
him both nights and I met up with them the second
night. Even though he has been feeling rotten, he
is determined to get out and enjoy fall this year
since he wasn't able to at all last year with the
transplant. Jade dearly loves autumn and everything
about this season. He loves hunting, changing leaves,
football, apple crisp made in the dutch oven and that
nip in the air in the morning and evenings. I've attached
a couple pictures of Jade and Garrett at the fire
(using the night vision from our digital camera -
- which is why it looks army green). [Garrett is getting
a drink from his sippy cup and loved every minute
of camping and finding sticks and rocks and pine cones,
etc. Everything is a new wonder to a two and a half
year old.]
Of course with me feeling tired and blah these past
couple weeks, I don't have the motivation Jade does
to go and do. It seems so amazing and ironic. Jade's
attitude is "I may have cancer, but I'm alive
today." My attitude seems to be, "I'm alive
today and wouldn't sitting at home or going to bed
early be great." Needless to say, marriage continues
to be a compromise and balancing act - - with or without
cancer!
I've noticed the delicate balance of life these days.
Good days, bad days, good moments, bad moments, and
long, tiring days with fast moving weeks that are
a blur. While feeling blah the past couple weeks,
I got our lab (Sadie) a new tennis ball out of the
closet to play with outside. Holy snot, you've never
seen a happier dog! I laughed and watched in amazement
at how happy and excited she was over the new tennis
ball. Three other old ratty ones were there but the
new fuzzy yellow one was so fun and cool! I thought
to myself "I can't remember the last time I had
that much energy ... ever!" So, I may not have
the energy of a lab (or the sheer, all-consuming happiness)
but every day you keep working to get that balance
in life. Some days you even have to work hour to hour
for the balance. But every now and then you get a
few balanced days in a row and it feels great. I'm
hoping going North will help and get rid of the sleep
deprivation!
I'm sure this sounds confusing and quite depressing
but hey, it's honest. It's just kind of blah and we're
ready for a change of pace this week. Sorry there's
no stellar quotes this time. Maybe I'll find one in
my reading this week. I guess deep down beneath all
the blah is still the fight, commitment and passion
to keep trying. Maybe that's the thing is to fight
through the blah day or moment. I think we'd all be
better off getting a siesta every afternoon. Most
adults I know could use a nap.....even a short power
nap!
Thanks for all the emails and calls of love and concern.
We just couldn't ask for better friends or neighbors
or family members or co-workers. You're amazing. We
see so much courage and fight and endurance in the
people around us - - it truly gives us hope and energy.
Wish I could give ya' a hug! Take care of yourself
and make time for some apple crisp or even carmel
apples (my fall favorite!)
Much love.........................Tanya and co.
P.S. (Happy Birthday Stacy, Jessica and Janene!).
